Loneliness

Tonight, Saturday night, I was asked to visit friends. I had promised the week before that I would spend some time with them at a local bar because the wife was DJ ing there. These are people Ive known for a very long time. People I love but have not spent a lot of time with in the past few years. I was reluctant to go only because I don't have the money to spend on a night out on the town.

It was nice to see them and others I had not seen in some time. And at first I was having a fairly nice time.

There was something bugging me. I knew what it was but I tried my best to try and enjoy my present company. After some time though, I could no longer ignore that gnawing feeling. I was lonely.

I missed the person I most longed to be with. But I couldn't. She is 890 miles away. There was nothing more important to me than the thought of being with her. What could I do? I left earlier than some expected me to. I no longer wanted to be there without her.

I miss her as much as she misses me, but it is has to be much harder on her. I have people around me. People that care about me even if they don't know what is going on in my life. I have a large extended family. I have a son who I support and of course myself to take care of. She has friends who care deeply for her and a family member that loves her very much even if they are unable to see her as much as I see my family. At the end of the day though, I still have my son to worry about and she has only me to lean on. 890 miles away. How unfair this must seem to her. She has been so patient and supportive with me. Why have I let it get like this?

You are probably thinking, what are you whining about?! You have people around you and someone to take care of. That is true. But what I most want in the world is to start my life with the woman I love and know so well. I have never been as close to someone as I am to her. I get lost some times on this path but my goal is always the same.

Get to her man!

Why can't it happen overnight? It seems to happen that way with others. I'd like to think 'good things happen to those who wait', but we have been at this for some time. I miss her every day. It is becoming heartbreaking  the longer we are apart. I want to give in and run to her, but there is more than just her and I to think of for me. It is such quandary for me at times.

I am reminded suddenly of a line in the movie, When Harry met Sally. ...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

This is what I want. I want it now. I am done waiting for it. I am done with things standing in the way of it. Today starts now.