Goals

Goals are a wonderful thing. Goals are something everyone has whether they call them that or not. Going to the store is a goal. Eating breakfast is a goal. Simple goals but goals non the less. It is the far reaching goals that we have trouble with. Well, I do lately. Goals were easy when I was younger. I wanted a job, I got one. I wanted to go to a concert, I went. I wanted a new record, I bought one. (Records are round vinyl disks with grooves that play music for you real young ones.) I even wanted to get married and have children. I did it.
Now goals, the far reaching ones, seem so hard to get to. The gap seems enormous lately. Much like the wonderful Voyager probes that are so far away from their home planet. But they have an on going goal. To forever record data and tell us puny humans what is out there in the great blackness of space.
Of course my goals are not so far from me as that. The metaphor just fits my mood today. I am usually very positive, if a bit naive on how to achieve those goals.
Again I am reminded of the saying, If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I wish I wasn't so bad at planning. Well, I do know how to plan. Today I made progress in the goals I have which is good. I just realized that what I am bad at is dealing with fears I have. The What ifs creep in and latch on. If I do this what happens the other thing? I've said before, I hate What ifs.
I have a lot of fears it seems. I am afraid of loss. I haven't had a lot I guess. It is the ones that hurt the most that cling to me and whisper that they could happen again. The sad thing is, I believe that I may be making them happen again. What a terrible and evil thing to happen. I don't want them to happen. It's those damn What ifs. They are paralyzing at times. So you sit and wait. Wait for what? The inevitable I guess. Inaction only prolongs things. Not just the good things but the bad ones too.
I have two goals. They are wonderful goals and compatible. Stupid fears and What ifs put themselves between them. Between is were I have put myself and I need to be beside each. That may seem like being between but it is being beside each, together.
Perhaps I have to let a power bigger than me take over and guide me to my goals. For the last decade I have had little faith in the existence of god. I like to think that that power is within mankind itself. Would it hurt to let go and let god? I don't know. All I do know is that I need some help.
So God, if you are out there, help me. I know the kind of man I can be. I have met him before. He is great and confident and without fear. He is a good father and a good partner. A man people enjoy being around and that some look up to. I pray that you help me find him again. I see him in the corner of my eye on occasion. Take the blinders away, remove the fears and strengthen my shoulders so that I may carry the burdens any man has. Let the ones I love know that they may rely on me and trust in me. Let me know I may rely and trust in myself. Bless the actions I have taken and the ones I will take to reach my goals. Bless the ones I love. Thank you.